Showing posts with label DH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DH. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Reunions

I've taken pretty good care of myself since high school.  I eat right, except for those occasional lapses in judgement I have when faced with homemade ice cream or really dark chocolate.  I'm active; heck, I even gave in and joined DH's kickball league this spring.  I don't smoke, I avoid abusing my liver, and I am one of those people who never tried any drugs because I was pretty sure I would become instantly addicted and be forced to live in a gutter somewhere selling my blood to get money.

So when my ten year high school reunion rolled around, I was pretty pumped.  I have a bunch of fancy papers hanging on my wall, I feel like I look good, I'm thrilled with my life, and I have a charming husband.  This is a far cry from the oh-so-painfully nerdy chickadee I was in high school. I was going.

Of course, I was also looking forward to seeing everyone.  

The picnic they planned for lunchtime was rained out.  DH and I drove to the park in the downpour just to make sure that there weren't drenched children playing on the swing set with dry parents tucked under the pavilion.  There were not.

Reunion part two was a dinner at my least favorite restaurant in the whole town.  However, as I wasn't planning the reunion, I felt I had very little room to complain.  Around sixty people graduated from my class.  Not a huge class, but most of them live within a twenty minute drive of our hometown.  The majority of them live within a three hour drive of our hometown.  I live twelve hours away.   One would think that those who could walk to the restaurant without breaking a sweat might show up.

Counting myself, six people from our class showed up (plus spouses). Two of them are married to each other, so I think they should count as one person.

Six.

Now don't get me wrong - I was very happy to see those people again (plus spouses).  However, one of them hadn't even known there was a reunion happening until I called him two days before.  Which means the one organizing the reunion had a turn out of five counting herself and her husband (a fellow classmate).  So that brings her total down to three. I think I saw that many classmates when I was wandering through the Wal-Mart the day before.  It is a tiny, itsy bitsy possibility that this was poorly planned. 

None of that fazed me overly much, because of the most important part: I cleaned up pretty well. 

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Bless his heart

DH and I were taking pup for training this weekend, and the conversation turned to aprons as it rarely does.

I had found some adorable aprons on sale, but resisted buying one.  DH has a thing for women in aprons. I think it's the whole "Susy Homemaker" thing.  Barefoot, not pregnant, and cooking.  That's me lately. Anyway, DH was all excited because he thought  I meant manly aprons - the kind with bottle openers and barbed wire built in.  I did not.  I meant frilly feminine aprons that made me feel all 50's housewife.

DH sighed.  "At least I still have the apron from my mom."

Oh dear lord.  Have I told you guys about this apron?

From the front, normal apron.  Nice pattern, big pockets.  Then you look at it a little closer.  Something seems.... amiss.  Something seems.... different.  Something seems... bulging.  So you look a little closer.  The apron flaps up in the brisk breeze from the kitchen fan.

And you see them.  Twigs and berries.  Mr. Goodwrench and the Michelin Brothers.  The family jewels.  This apron has a fake set of male genitalia made from pantyhose and pillow stuffing attached.

My husband and brother-in-law love this apron.  Which brings us to the next point:

"Matthew and I are going to be be fighting over that apron. It's the best apron in the world."

I peered at this adorable man I married over the top of my sunglasses.  "Matthew can have it.  If it makes it into our house, Mr. Apron will be singing soprano post surgical removal of his business."

DH glared at me.  "You wouldn't dare.  Q, that apron is a work of art.  Would you go hacking away at a Monet with a scalpel?  No.  It takes real genius to create something like that."

Wait.

Hold the phone.

Did my husband just equate Monet to a pantyhose penis apron?

I made the right decision on procreation.