What do these people have against fire?

My dermatologist recommended I try a raw food diet for a month. She said it would make my skin clear and glowing. I'm not sure what kind of drugs the people were on who invented this diet. I always assumes it was a step forward in our evolution when cavemen found fire. I was apparently mistaken. Fire is the enemy.

In spite of that, I was up for giving it a go. After all, it couldn't hurt to up my intake of veggies and fruits. Lose a little weight. Clean out the system. Plus it would give those cancer cells hiding somewhere in my body a one-two punch. (I know they are lurking in there waiting for an opportune moment to take me down. Just haven't nailed down their exact location yet.)

She said I could eat as much raw food as I wanted. Nothing cooked though. (I made the executive decision that scotch is not cooked.) In all fairness, she warned me I would feel a little sick the first couple weeks.

Steak tartar-I'm there. Sushi sans rice - all over it. Smoothies and salads - bring it on. Then I realized I had to give up bread and pasta. A minor problem, as I practically live on pesto and angel hair. Things had taken a turn. Day one, not so bad. Day two, okay. Day three I realized there was a side effect she neglected. I was STARVING!

Yesterday I ate a pint of strawberries, a cup of walnuts, three bananas, a cup of yogurt, half a pound of grapes, five glasses of milk, a huge bunch of broccoli, a lemon, two carrots, celery, and four ounces of cheese. I was eating all freaking day. It's a lot of work to even chew all this stuff; I'm pretty sure my digestive enzymes must be pulling double shifts here.

I am also cranky as a sore tailed bear. James is bearing the brunt of this part (poor guy....I'm sure he just wants to hold me down and force feed me a hamburger). I do have way more energy and feel better in general, but I'm not so sure it's worth the price.

I don't think I can make this a permanent diet. It's murder to cook amazing meals and desserts and then force yourself to only have the salad. To be honest though, I made cookies today and ate the batter. It counts because everything was raw. At least that's my version of the story.

I'm almost a week into it. For giving up chocolate soufflé and cheesecake, Jessica Alba better be calling me at the end of this month to find out my glowing skin secret. Otherwise, that doctor owes me a steak - and not a rare one.