Mr. Banker Man

I appreciate the fact that lending practices have become much more strict since the huge housing/crazy mortgage crisis we went through the last couple of years.  I agree that people should be held to higher standards and should only buy houses that they can afford. That being said...

I am still frustrated as bear with his nose stuck in a beehive that it is apparently darn near impossible to get a traditional mortgage after graduating from medical school.  Now, I know very well that I have a huge amount of student loan debt.  It's part and parcel of going to medical school and then getting a master's degree after that.  Oddly enough, those things cost money.  Money that I will be paying back.  Over the next thirty years.  So Mr. Banker Man, yes, I do already have a monthly payment on my brain that is just slightly lower than my proposed mortgage payment.

Also, Mr. Banker Man, we decided to be very conservative in the size of house that we would buy.  So yes, we carefully budgeted and applied for the loan only on my tiny little resident salary. We figured if we could get by on my salary for monthly expenses, Mr. Banker Man, that we could use DH's salary to do other things.  Like pay off those rascally student loans. Or plan for retirement. Or get haircuts.

I understand that these may be foreign concepts to you Mr. Banker Man. I understand that no matter how many times I offer, you won't let me use my brain as collateral.   I understand that you see things in black and white now, not all those delightful shades of grey that allowed you to hand out sub-prime mortgages for the past few years like the money would revolt and perform a military coup if it stayed in your bank too long.  I know that if I had walked into your bank two years ago, you would have been throwing dollar bills at me and I wouldn't even have to take off my clothes.  It's not that era anymore.

It's a shame.

I think we could have been friends.

Bubble wrap

I know that I may come across as more of a Rat than a Pig at times, but I like people in general.  It's people in specific that get to me sometimes.  Our first mortgage guy is an excellent example.

We'll call him Timmy.  It suits him.  We were referred to Timmy by a friend.  I have now vowed never to take mortgage advice from friends or family.

Timmy was aware that we were going to The South for two days to choose and make an offer on a house.  Because of the short time frame we had to choose the house, we needed to get pre-approval before we left.  He assured us this wouldn't be a problem since we had three weeks until we flew out.

He didn't call us for a week.

After we repeatedly called, he made an appointment for us to meet two weeks before we had to leave. He apologized briefly and explained he had been in training all week, but assured us we had plenty of time to get pre-approved.  He then explained that even though DH will be employed past the time I will start my job, he wanted to only use my salary for the pre-approval.  This seemed odd to me, but I'm not a mortgage broker. 

I handed over my five year contract and salary to Timmy the Wonder Broker. 

He read it.

Timmy reads really slow.

"So, you're sure you're going to be working there for five years."

Well, it is a contract that has dates equaling five years written on the front page, so yeah, Timmy, I'm pretty sure.  

"Yes, that is correct."

"This salary says that it's correct starting July 25, 2009.  What will you be getting paid?"

Since it's correct starting in 2009, and we are now in 2010, odds are that I'll be getting paid that amount Timmy. 

"That's the listed salary for my position."

"But what will you do for income after five years?"

Maybe he doesn't understand medicine.  I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. 

"I'll probably do a fellowship for three years.  I get paid for that too."

"But then what will you do for income?"

Nope, he's just a doofus.  

 "Then I'll be a surgeon.  I get paid for that too."

"But are you guaranteed a job then?"

You have to be joking. I have a five year contract, and he's worried about what I will be doing for work eight years from now.  Does everyone applying for a mortgage have to prove they will have work for the next ten years?  My job is more secure than his job right now.  I'm willing to bet you don't have a five year contract Timmy-boy.

"I'm not guaranteed a job, but the odds are very good that I will be working somewhere.

"You guys are great on everything else, but this is highly unusual.  I'll have to talk to my manager about this.  It shouldn't be a problem."

That's the last we heard from Tim-Tim-Cheree.  We called.  We emailed.  No response.

We found a house I loved.  The only problem was another couple loved it too. We had our bid in first, but we needed one more thing.

A pre-approval letter.

We called Timmy-poo.  He said he was working on it, but that it was unusual and no one he worked with had ever seen a salary like mine. I found this hard to believe as thousands of people graduate medical school every year,  a large portion of them get mortgages during their residency, and he worked for a large bank.  Niche market, maybe. Unusual, no.

So I gave his number to our real estate agent.  She is a Southern woman through and through.  Sweet as sugar with a backbone of steel.  She talked to him for about five minutes.  He told her he was trying but that it was a very unusual case, and that he would have the letter to her in 30 minutes.  Three hours later, we had the approval letter and Timmy had really ticked me off.

We were easy money. He hadn't been forced to expend any effort to find us.  We came to him.  We gave him all the documentation before he even met with us.  We had a 20% down payment.  We were both employed. We had rock star credit scores.  All he had to do to get his commission was put the paperwork into the system.    He just blew us off.  I guess I'm just used to people thinking doctors make too much money instead of worrying that they won't make any money.

When we made it back to The North we switched to another broker at the same bank. Let's call him Tommy.  He entered a new request and had everything ready to go in two days. Tommy also used part of DH's income because 'we assume you will be working somewhere when you move since you have had stable employment for the past five years.' Tommy is awesome.

Timmy....well Timmy makes me feel a bit more like Rat.

*Pearls Before Swine is copyrighted by Stephan Pastis and is my absolute favorite comic strip.